Fish Out of Water

On my way home from the One of a Kind Christmas Craft Show, I felt like a fish out of water. After bumping into hundreds of moms with their Baby Bjorns and Peg Perego strollers, not only did I feel guilty about abandoning my daughter with my mom, I am now officially kicked out of the club. Downtown Toronto used to be my old stomping ground... from clubbing, shopping, eating and working ... you could always find me pounding the city's streets. The constant rat race and fast-paced environment was my life.

On the crowded subway ride home during rush hour (of course!), I felt a sudden twinge of paranoia and anxiety. The daily commuters on the train looked foreign and alien to me... spending 24 hours a day with a baby without an adult in sight sort of does that to you. Five and a half months of being into a year long sabbatical (maternity leave) has slowly converted me into the stereotypical suburban mom... the woman who wears no makeup, hair pulled back into a ponytail, wears her fiance's T-shirts and who thinks a trip to the grocery store is an exciting night out. The outside world once distinguishable to me was just a shadow of my past and former existence. Kaelin now rules my universe and she is my excitement.

Six and a half months before I go back to the workforce...how could I possibly go back? Daycare? I am dreading the sheer thought of it. Once the year is up, I wonder if my fiance will let me become a stay-at-home mom, leaving him to be the sole breadwinner... yeah right!