Attention Shoppers:Code Red

In the fall, warehouse sale shopping runs rampant. Mr. B's, William Ashley, Procter and Gamble, Umbra etc....all these and more have conjured up good and bad memories. I'm a veteran of the warehouse sale...I have the scars and wounds to prove it. My pocketbook carries the symptoms of "combat fatigue" and "shell shock". The psychological and financial damage of sales are immense but the adrenaline rush is even more astronomic. Armies of bargain hunters storm the frontlines for the latest finds...mothers are no novices when it comes to discovering a great sale. My system of intelligence and data retrieval has consisted of mailing lists, word of mouth and websites such as Red Flag Deals and Best Buys. Along with my partners in crime and fellow comrades, me and my friends scope out the competition. For every sale, our mission and target is to seek out the "best deals". Gaining entry is always a challenge...rain, snow or shine, long lineups in weather where Mother Nature takes no prisoners is a feat in itself. Our plan of defense and method of combat is to infiltrate and outline the key areas of the building and proceed to attack and defeat the enemy... beating out the other shoppers to the limited supply of the doorcrasher specials. It is guerilla warfare at its finest. Fully equipped with a complete arsenal: a shopping buddy, a good pair of running shoes, a shopping cart and a credit card are the preferred weapons and artillery of choice. Female shoppers and a good sale equals collateral damage. Amongst the skirmishes and hostile aggression, enemy surveillance and monitoring the activities of other shoppers is vital to the success of the operation..."Where did you find that?" Resorting to espionage you say? "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer" and "All is fair in love and war" are fundamental truths to ensure survival. To alert the general public and the civilians of these warehouse sales is for the common good but it is not for the weak-hearted. Shopping is a constant battle and ongoing struggle. Ever hear of Christmas shopping...now that is another minefield.